December 5, 2012 by Lisa Lou
So no blogging yesterday. It was raining last night and with all the technology available today, clouds block satellites and I have satellite internet. In other news, I’m going to kill this little beagle. Seriously, I’m going to kill him.
Gone is the timid little doggie who stole our hearts just months ago. In his place is this little spawn of the devil who is going to drive me 15 shades of bat shit crazy. He barks, he chews, he growls at the big dogs, he uses my floor as his own personal litter box, he kills chickens, AND he wakes us all up at wee hours of the morning howling at absolutely nothing. If he weren’t so cute he’d be dead already.
As you know, I’m not a disciplinarian. My other dogs are perfectly behaved and I never had to do so much as swat them. They just came out all perfect. Coco was full-grown when we got her and potty trained and way beyond the chewing everything up stage. She barks. If something is wrong. She’ll eat your face off if you try to come into my house uninvited, but other than that she’s quiet. Annie is the world’s best dog. He potty trained himself, by following Coco’s lead, he would lick a stranger to death before he’d bite, and he never ever chewed anything up. Well, he ate the cord to my laptop once, but he was just a wittle puppy then, and can hardly be blamed.
While I’ve never been a fan of shock collars, this little beagle is soon going to be donning one. I can’t help it. What’s that little doggie? You want to run to the chicken coop? Buzzz. Arf. Whine. Oh, you wanted to howl at the moon? Buzzz. Arf. Whine. I can’t help it, I really can’t. You know how they say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? Well, I’m betting they can be taught, with the right motivation. A jolt of electricity? Yeah, I think that’ll do the trick.
If you think I’m being heartless, you just hold on a minute while I pack him up and bring him on over to your house. Hell, keep him if you want to. At this very second, he’s chewing up Gavin’s favorite cookbook that he’s had since he was little. I took the book, but he’s still shredding pieces of the piece he managed to rip off before I’d noticed. I’ll be sure to get him to you before he pukes it up all over a rug. You’ll have to keep him for a few weeks though. He’s got that “I’m a perfectly adorable sweet doggie, and you just have to love me.” act down pat. It takes awhile for his true satan-like qualities to shine through.
Now, I don’t know if I’ll actually be able to push the button that delivers the shock, but I think the hubby won’t make no bones about it, and after he gets a shock or two, the warning buzz should probably do the trick. Right? RIGHT? He just came a curled up all cute like beside me. Ugh. The little bastard IS adorable.
Other than that, I’ve got nothing. I didn’t do anything yesterday, so I’d probably better start de-scumming my house today. I still have yet to decorate for Christmas and I promised the kids we’d do it tonight. Guess that means I should get off the computer and get off the couch. Blah.